Sunday, June 2, 2013

A Thought About Addiction

During the week I caught myself in one of those sublime moments when I was in 'flow'.  Doing nothing special, nothing in particular on my mind, just moving about, doing what I had to do, singing whilst I did it.  When I noticed, I moved my attention to my body - it felt supple with an absence of aches and pains that come with age.  I then moved my attention to how I was feeling - light, carefree, at one with everything.  And then the thought came to me .... "Ah, this is who I am!"

You might think this a strange thought, but ... it is truth.  All of us, at our core, are a sublime feeling.  We are not our jobs, our intellects, our muscles, our homes, our cars, our 'number of friends', we are .... a feeling.   My heart warmed at the very feeling of 'me being a good feeling'.  That feeling is ME, I actually don't have to do anything to make me better or fix me up, I just have to remember that that feeling is me.  No one can take that feeling, the feeling that is who we are at our core, away from us - except ourselves.  And how do we do that?  With our thinking! 

There is nothing wrong with using our intellects to work and build, buying things we like, or having friends, but when our sense of who we are is dependent on them then we have lost our way.  When created in the right spirit these things are expressions of our use of innate powers within.  If we know and remember who we really are, then having these things in our lives are a source of immense delight and curiosity.  

My thinking moved on to addiction - in my experience, definitely not a state characterised by delight, curiosity or light heartedness.  What is it?  At its core, addiction is the innocent seeking of a good feeling in the wrong places.  The good feeling is actually alive within us all the time, it never goes away, but we take ourselves away from it with our thinking.  It is our thinking that creates our feeling states.   We begin life with an incredible flexibility in our thinking (as reflected in our 'unpruned' neural pathways) and go through some amazing periods of growth and refinement in neural pathways.  Adolescence in particular is a time of massive growth, hence the emotional turbulence as a result of our all different thoughts!  It is only when our thinking becomes more honed or refined (strengthening and pruning of neural pathways) that we 'mature' and our thinking 'muscle' (the brain) is capable of responding well to the environment around us.

If we all had parents who understood the interplay of Thought, Consciousness and Mind at our core (whether using these words or not), they would have taught us differently about life, our emotions, and how to realign ourselves with flow.  But most of us weren't and so we emerged into adult thinking that (a) our emotions are direct indicators of life around us (they aren't), and, (b) we all need to find strategies to ease those emotions so that we get back to a good feeling.  The truth is (a) we ARE a good feeling, (b) it is our personalised thinking that takes us away from that feeling (we are experiencing our personalised thinking rather than our innate good feeling), and (c) if we could see the role of our thinking we wouldn't need anything to make ourselves feel better because the 'seeing' disconnects us from that thinking immediately.

I'm not saying breaking out of addiction is easy.  I was raised in a culture of little understanding of our true nature just the same as everyone else.  I too have travelled down the path at times of thinking that I needed something outside of myself in order to feel better.  I am also lucky enough to have come across a deeper understanding and chosen to direct my free will in the direction of exploring that understanding in my life.  And as time goes on my feelings of equanimity and the quality of my life just gets better and better.

If anyone is in the grip of addiction or on the path of innocently developing one, if you simply allowed yourself the possibility of seeing your 'thinking' as the cause of your ill feelings, then you have opened up a different path ahead.  It is not necessary to define the content of your thinking (although you can if this intrigues you) rather just to see that 'anxious' thinking is creating feelings of anxiety, or 'pumped up' thinking is making you move fast, or 'angry' thinking is making you feeling angry!  We all experience different types of thinking, but isn't it interesting that we are all conditioned to doing something about our 'anxious' thinking whereas our thinking about the latest movie we can just let slip by. Thought is thought, it all creates feelings, and those feelings vary according to the intensity or quality of our thinking.

When we are in negative states of feeling, if we 'see' our thinking' then the thought of seeing our feeling immediately takes us out of the feeling we were in. We have broken the 'bad feeling' train of thought, AND, we have inactivated the neural pathway we were entertaining.  Neural pathways wither and die with disuse, whilst new pathways are constructed and strengthened with new types or qualities of thought.  WANT to have a different relationship to the thinking that innocently creates thinking and you open up a crevice of change.  WANT to have a stronger relationship to the innate good feelings that are you and you open up another crevice of change.  'Bad feeling' thinking does not need to be attacked (creating attack feelings), it is a lack of paying attention to them as truth (when they are not) that allows them to die away.  

SPEND TIME remembering moments when you were in a good feeling and simply glad to be here. We have ALL had them, even if they were years ago, we have had them.  CONSIDER the possibility that those feelings are who you are and that they still reside within you.  ASK yourself if you would like to know them clearer in your life, and if so, then simply LISTEN to what surfaces quietly from within you and FOLLOW it.    Change can happen overnight, and it can happen slowly.  But once you open yourself to the POSSIBILITY it WILL happen!  

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