Sunday, January 19, 2014

When Insight Seems Small ... but is Huge!

During 2013 I did my best to manage part time employment with mothering, maintaining a large and older home, and caring for our family pets.  It was a big ask.  Cleaning the family home became an irregular activity, the pets were provided with the bare essentials and my parenting seemed to swing wildly from taking the time to be present to often rushing from one thing to another.  There were many many periods in which nothing came together in a satisfactory way. And to top it all off my year ended with the feeling that I just didn't earn enough money to keep it all afloat.
But it's interesting how our minds can get carried away by frenetic trains of thought.  In the midst of all that activity I decided that I needed full time work to bring in the money and would just have to pay for a cleaner, after school care, and every other support I needed. This decision didn't make much sense really, my mind was already filled with too much to do, adding more things to manage and keep afloat - all in the name of having more money available - didn't feel right.  Something deep inside me knew this, and I was walking around with one of those inner niggles going on but didn't pay attention to it.  I half heartedly applied for a couple of additional jobs, and then one day I was told of a job going and that the organisation was 'desperate' for someone to fill the position.  The word 'desperate' stuck in my mind (wisdom signalling!).  'Desperate' wasn't my problem or responsibility, it was someone else's - so what was mine?
Finally I stopped blindly moving forward and instead took out my journal, writing what I thought was really my problem and what I could do about it.  The feeling inside me was that rather than extend myself further I needed to slow down more, simplify and nurture my home, including all its inhabitants.  I started sewing, ideas for two blogs came to me and it felt right to stay with my part time work and extend myself through two new blogs rather than seek more paid employment.
I decided to look for sewing ideas in my local library and came across the book 'Down to Earth' by Rhonda Hetzel.  Immediately, I clicked with the information contained inside.  The first chapter begins with questions about defining what is important to each of us and about how we can align our lives more simply with that calling.  My path has now turned, no more continuation with the frenetic thinking about doing more, instead, I am slowing down and simplifying.
And then I listened to the 22 November 2013 BlogTalkRadio with Elsie Spittle and Linda Pransky.  Both these women talked of how much they enjoyed being in service, but had recently experienced the quiet niggle (wisdom) about the need to do less.  They followed the insights that came out of that space and have now realised so much more - for themselves and others.  And just this morning I was talking with my (senior) mother about how overwhelmed she is feeling coping with the complexities that come with technology in her home.  She seems to have more to respond to, sign ups these days seem to come with automatic upgrades (at a cost) unless the company is notified and websites seem to be very difficult to navigate.  In talking with my mother it was clear that much of what she had subscribed to was now no longer necessary - she had enough information in her areas of interest and probably could live without the internet. What I could see clearly whilst she was talking (this is insight) is that we all can get involved with something which, untethered, can lead us into overwhelm and imbalance.
Oh, how grateful I am for the unassuming and often overlooked activity of wisdom in all of us. Neither myself, nor all the women mentioned above needed to keep a conscious and calculated check on their activity, they just needed to heed the quiet murmurings of wisdom, it is always there.  Activity out of intellect will feel one way whilst action out of insight feels another.  One potentially imbalances, whilst the other always balances and harmonises.  Sometimes the murmurings of wisdom out of insight can seem small .... a niggle in the background, but if we stop and listen and follow, its unfolding can be huge!

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